For the handyman ...

View previous topic View next topic Go down

For the handyman ...

Post by marmuttlebow on Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:28 pm

I got a good laugh out of this. I know, I know. Email joke chains are awful. But this one is a new one to me. Thought I'd share.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had care fully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
avatar
marmuttlebow
Club Co-Leader

Posts : 2547
Join date : 2012-03-02
Location : Toronto, Canada

Back to top Go down

Re: For the handyman ...

Post by Lowflyinmx3 on Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:47 pm

The hoist is very true. I always forget 1 wire somewhere. And the son of a bitch tool for me at work is always my helmet. I fling that at every machine that gives me fits. I'm on my 3rd hard hat this year lol.

_________________
I will diesel you!
Drive it like you stole it
avatar
Lowflyinmx3
Club Founder & Leader

Posts : 1293
Join date : 2012-03-02
Age : 31
Location : The tree outside your window.......

Back to top Go down

Re: For the handyman ...

Post by ThrowMeAHotdog on Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:59 pm

Im actually laughing out loud... The hammer one is me. Infact at one point I had the bright idea of using a hammer on my toilet...

ThrowMeAHotdog
Forum Admin

Posts : 345
Join date : 2012-03-01
Age : 25
Location : Teesside, England

http://u2sc.forumotion.co.uk

Back to top Go down

Re: For the handyman ...

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum